The Power of Self-Compassion for School Leaders
What are your thoughts as you read and engage with the word self-compassion?
For some, maybe the thought of applying self-compassion seems self-indulgent or even frivolous. Educator’s own needs are often at the bottom of a long list of looking after others and there can be a guilt or stigma attached to self-compassion. There can also be a perception that it is a barrier to growth, development and learning. And even with an understanding of the importance of self-compassion, there can be a gap between knowing this and applying it to our lives and leadership roles.
First up, to help with the knowing - a summary of some of the research findings into the benefits of self-compassion.
Much More than Self-Care Bubble Baths!
Now to focus on the doing.
Dr. Kristin Neff breaks down self-compassion into three parts. Acknowledging the common humanness of having flaws and suffering, noticing and allowing the negative emotions we feel - not to wallow in them but not pushing them away either and then through this, treating ourselves with acceptance and kindness.
With the above in mind here are three possible ways that you can cultivate greater self-compassion.
Get curious about the emotions you are feeling - often we label how we are feeling as stressed but when you break this down what specifically are the emotions - perhaps it is disappointment or impatience? When you do this try to use the phrase ‘I am noticing I am feeling’ rather than ‘I am…’ as this can help you get some distance and space from the feelings and gain perspective.
Acknowledge the human nature of what you are feeling, working as a school leader is challenging and multi-faceted, there will be parts of the job that allow you to use your strengths and areas that may be more difficult. There will be others feeling in a similar way to you.
Listen and notice the way you are talking to yourself - is it with kindness? If not think about what you may say to a friend going through something similar - how would you respond to them with kindness, warmth and understanding?
Dunn et al’s research (2022) into self-compassion in schools highlights the importance of teachers applying self-compassion moments during a teaching day. They discuss what they call, ‘Smart’ self-compassion practices which are manageable, micro moments of self-compassion woven into the school day - from making time for a kinder self-reflection to intentional small acts of self-care.
This leads me to ask some coaching questions which you may find useful to consider:
What small manageable self-compassionate action/s can you weave into your school days next week?
What would it look like to show yourself greater kindness and understanding next week?
If you would like support in fostering and building your self-compassion, then send me a message.
References:
Cha, J., Serlachius, A., Cavadino, A., Kirby, J., & Consedine, N. (2023). Self-Compassion and Compassion for Others: A Multiple Mediation Study of Personal Values. Mindfulness, 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-023-02202-8
Dunn, H., & Sims, C. (2022). An exploration of the awareness, use and impact of self-compassion practices amongst UK teachers of adolescent students. European Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 6, 13, 1-14.
Ewert, C., Vater, A., & Schröder-Abé, M. (2021). Self-Compassion and Coping: a Meta-Analysis. Mindfulness, 12(5), 1063–1077. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-020-01563-8
Hu, Y. (2023). Examining the effects of teacher self-compassion, emotion regulation, and emotional labor strategies as predictors of teacher resilience in EFL context. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1190837. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1190837
Hwang, Y.-S., Medvedev, O. N., Krägeloh, C., Hand, K., Noh, J.-E., & Singh, N. N. (2019). The Role of Dispositional Mindfulness and Self-compassion in Educator Stress. Mindfulness, 10(8), 1692–1702
Lanaj, K., Jennings, R. E., Ashford, S. J., & Krishnan, S. (2022). When leader self-care begets other care: Leader role self-compassion and helping at work. Journal of Applied Psychology, 107(9), 1543–1560. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000957
The Leaders Lab, 2023, Australian Workplace Report https://www.michellemcquaid.com/research/
