Pathways to Well-being and School Leadership - Vulnerability
This week’s newsletter takes us back to the emotional management pathway of well-being and a deeper dive into vulnerability.
In a previous newsletter, I talked about the research which shows that school leaders often use masking or faking as a way of dealing with the emotional demands of the role and that this was correlated with increased rates of burnout and decreased well-being (Maxwell and Riley, 2017). School leader well-being is important in and of its own right, and if school leaders are to lead and foster community well-being for students and adults then they also need to experience personal well-being.
I then posed the question what would it be like to be 5% more vulnerable in your role as a school leader?
As it happens, that same week several other school leaders on Linkedin shared their journey with vulnerability and I was left with feeling hopeful that vulnerability was becoming more accepted as a positive attribute of school leadership.
This question then became the theme of a live podcast episode co-hosted by the inspiring Shane Leaning. (If you haven’t come across Shane’s podcast there are loads of great episodes on a range of school leadership topics.)
Global Ed-Leaders: LIVE: Vulnerability in Leadership | Strength or Weakness?
It was fascinating how many times we mentioned the word humanity, common humanity and being human when discussing its importance in building relationships. We shared stories of our own vulnerability - mine outlined a difficult time in my school leadership when a decision I had made caused conflict between staff and the vulnerability I needed to step into to help reunite the team.
In her latest newsletter, Susan David talks about display rules - the explicit or implicit rules on what emotions we can and can not express at work and the gendered stereotypes that can accompany this. She says that the title ‘soft skills’ and the notion that good leaders should be stoic and hide their emotions can be harmful and advocates instead for a more authentic, emotionally skilled leadership.
What came through from other research was that school leaders feared sharing their emotions because they wanted to ensure they maintained a positive climate and that they didn’t want to appear like they were not in control.
In the book ‘No Hard Feelings. The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work’ the authors, Liz and Molly share a formula for this which is to pair revealing your feelings with your hopes for the future - how can you be realistic but optimistic?
Some examples of this might be:
I am feeling nervous about the meeting with xxxx but I am confident this is the right next step.
I am feeling confused by the response to the new initiative but I am hopeful that if we listen to feedback we can find a path forward.
It is worth noting here that this is not toxic positivity, it is not an attempt to diminish the emotions felt. They can sit side by side with hope or the optimistic thoughts for the future. And as with all approaches - there will be nuance to when it is helpful and when it is not, however, it is an option to support taking a step away from masking or faking emotions and towards sharing more openly.
I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation and it left me reflecting further on what vulnerability in school leadership really looks like. I would love to hear your thoughts - how accepted is it to share emotions when leading in education?
If you would like to find out more about how 121 coaching or Light Up Edu-Leadership’s Positive Leadership Hub can support you in your leadership role then click the link to arrange a free conversation.
“Coaching with Jenny was an invaluable experience at a critical moment as I took on a new role. She listened and helped to hold up a mirror for me in a way that allowed me to recognise barriers and patterns in my own thinking that blocked me from being able to move on and grow. I would highly recommend Jenny as a coach as the process can truly be transformational.” International School Leader
Maxwell, A., & Riley, P. (2017). Emotional demands, emotional labour and occupational outcomes in school principals: Modelling the relationships. Educational Management Administration and Leadership, 45(3), 484–502. Scopus. https://doi.org/10.1177/1741143215607878
