Are Boundaries Overrated?

Above is a picture of the boundary walls of Carcassonne Citadel - pretty impressive.

These walls look like they can withstand anything, offering the city plenty of protection.

But is having firm boundaries really the key to safeguarding your well-being as a school leader?

I frequently hear conversations about the crucial role of boundaries when it comes to well-being - how they should be maintained and communicated. But as a coach, I’m always intrigued when the word ‘should’ comes into play.

When those boundaries meet the reality of school life, the rigidity of these ‘shoulds’ —whether self-imposed or from others — can sometimes add to stress and diminish well-being through feelings of guilt and failure for not holding intentions.

We may have worked with people who have those rigid boundaries and are confident in communicating them and witnessed the frustration that this can cause in a dynamic school environment, negatively impacting relationships. It may lead to individual well-being for some but this could be at the expense of the collective well-being of the community.

I'm not sure I agree with his use of selfish to describe boundaries, but James Clear captures the nuance well:

“The question isn't whether to be flexible or firm, but when to be each one. A good life has a healthy mix of selfish boundaries and unselfish giving. You don't have to be all things at all times. Sometimes you pour for others and sometimes you refill your own cup.

What does this moment call for?”

And if you over focus on boundaries and self-care as the key to well-being, you may be in danger of overlooking the broader spectrum of strategies that can also sustain you and help you thrive through the demands of school leadership.

As with most things in life, there are shades of grey.

Knowing when you need boundaries and when they can flex is a part of the picture.

As is self-care.

But what else could support your well-being this year?

If you would like more info on the different pathways to well-being then check out some of the past episodes of the newsletter here or explore these free lessons from the Positive Leadership Hub.

And if you would like support looking after your well-being in the year ahead then click the link below for a free Discovery call to find out more about how coaching can support you through the demands of school leadership.